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For while Aunt Mimi does enjoy swimming and water slides, she does not particularly enjoy water torture. All valuables, such as wallets, cell phones and dignity, can be left behind in a rented locker. Every 30 minutes or so, an ominous horn sounds three warning notes. To deem both garments suitable attire for a day of running, twisting, jumping and squatting defies all logic. Like many women, I have a bitter relationship with swimsuits. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Advance Local.

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Water parks and sexy swimsuits do not mix

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The same cannot be said of the decision to choose a swimsuit with a neckline that plunges to the belly button, its two sides held together only by the grace of a single gold hoop across the midsection, as the suit of choice for climbing net ladders and whooshing down slides. I hope I've sufficiently set the scene of an active, bustling, strenuous sort of place for moms, dads and their kiddies, with plenty of loving grandparents and aunts to round out the ranks. Bad Almost-Naked almost always will involve community pools, water parks, and swinging from rope monkey bars as you try to navigate a series of foam water lilies. I gently suggest a sporty tankini with a built-in bra or a one-piece Speedo -- something that will keep your assets not only under wraps, but under control.

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