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When I looked into his eyes when his mom was holding him, he looked so pure—so happy and completely innocent and alive, with no responsibility—and I was like, That baby has got it made. Most midtown apartments are handjob parlors. It makes me sad, but I've realized that my perception of myself as a sexy superhero was as much of a fantasy as the fantasy men had about me. For the first time, I am considering retiring from sex work. I put on Portishead, feigned enthusiasm about the client's job and hobbies, sidestepped everything he said that offended me, touched his dick, and pretended I loved when he violently sucked on my nipples. If you've walked around Midtown, you've probably looked at the apartments above the bars and bistros and thought, Who the fuck lives there?

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Of the hundreds of satisfied customers I've sent on their way over the years, I've concluded that entitled handjob clients may have the narrowest ideas about female beauty.

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Giving Handjobs for Money Is My Least Favorite Kind of Sex Work

I thought giving handies would be similar to acting out kinky fantasies, but from day one, I didn't mesh with the handjob scene, which operates throughout most of Midtown. It makes me sad, but I've realized that my perception of myself as a sexy superhero was as much of a fantasy as the fantasy men had about me. I thought I would be this girl forever, but I now realize I was naive.

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